If I must ask, what do you consider a relationship to be? You need to understand what your needs and desires are for the person you are about to enter a relationship with, what you are willing to give them and what they are willing to give you. Through this, you would be able to understand if the person you are in a relationship with is truly in love with you, and if you truly have a future with the person, and if this person feels the same way about you too. There is no need to be in a relationship when you are the only one that is in love in the relationship.

The day you make up your mind to properly enter a relationship with a person, you must never forget what brought you and the person together in the first place because there must be a compelling force of attraction. For example, questions like what attracted you to each other, both physically and emotionally should always be burning in both hearts, what you admire about his or her personality (it could be the way she walks, his intelligence and charisma, the way she reasons and so many other reasons). This would ensure adequately that your partner is not taking you for granted and you are not taking your partner for granted because this may tend to start happening after the relationship has stayed for a long period of time. When relationship partners start taking themselves for granted, it does not mean that the love has faded, or the love that used to be so strong is withering away slowly, it just shows that the energy and enthusiasm that was usually been pumped into the relationship has started reducing or has even finally reduced. People tend to get lazy after a while, because they feel comfortable and safe. This is a usual problem in relationships of nowadays, but this problem can be solved when the two partners put in their time and energy to ensure that the love that used to be strong then still remains so strong that no external force can break into it, but it requires hunger and determination.

Effective communication is very important in a relationship. Lovers must understand that they cannot have the same ideologies, beliefs and perspectives to which they see life, so they must never expect ideas and plans to be the same every time.. However, it is important to have similar expectations out of a relationship, so that unnecessary arguments can be avoided more often, because the more the arguments the more the love is been torn apart. For example, some partners believe that they are meant to see each other every day because it makes the relationship look fresh, young, strong and in fact healthy, while some see it as unnecessary waste of time when they could easily pick up the phone and talk to themselves frequently and they may be of the opinion that they need time to be alone and be with friends. Another aspect is sex. A partner might believe that sex is so important in a relationship and he makes it a priority, but the other partner might not see it that way. He or she may not be of the idea that sex is bad, but may not just make it top on the list, but may prefer seeing each other daily as the major priority in the relationship. Issues like this makes effective communication so important, if not there would be clash of likes and interests.

Patience is another key factor to a healthy relationship. Most relationships have broken down just because they could not exercise this virtue. There are times when our partner will not respond in a way in which is pleasing to us and we might want to feel offended but this does not mean that you should take such actions or words totally or personally. When such things happen, its best you don’t say anything or take any action then, just slow down, calm down, sit-down or lie on your bed, take a deep breath and try to understand why your partner behaved in such manner especially when your partner is not used to behaving in such way. This way is better than assuming and jumping to conclusions because It is a bad step to take. This shows your partner that they are not entitled to act freely and they feel attacked, so in subsequent times they would prefer to rather keep their troubles to themselves than share it with you. Give your partner some time and privacy and make them understand that you would always be there for them when they are ready and willing to be with you for a talk. No matter what the situation may be, patience is golden in a relationship, unless your partner never wants to discuss matters with you (which would mean you need counseling or leave the relationship).

Honesty, honesty, honesty is one of the scarce words in today relationships, but every partner desires honesty especially when it comes to what they want out of their relationship. A person needs to know that they can trust their mate because it builds a zone of safety and comfortableness around them. As hard as the truth is, most partners always want to hear nothing but the truth, no matter what the effect or consequence may look like. Lovers must understand that even if the love is still strong, mistakes can still be made even when they seem unthinkable because that’s what makes us human and not GOD, but this should not be misused when you already know that you are wrong before you do it. This is unhealthy for the relationship. What is healthy however, is realizing that the mistake you committed is a mistake. You or your partner need to know that what they did was wrong and they need to feel the sympathy for what they did. Once you or your  partner have realized this, you can then figure out a way of how you will confess your wrong doings to the other. Have a lovely and healthy relationship. Stay cool, stay responsible.

Still your love doctor, Gbemi Oke. Gbemi Oke  answer questions on relationships. Leave your comments and advice questions on gbemioke5@gmail.com.



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